Here we meet again, You and me. Remember the last time I wrote a letter to You? I didn't really think that You would give me a reply, but You did. And what a beautiful reply it was. Beautiful, sweet and lovely. But a lot of water has flown under the bridge since then, so much so that today I had to sit down in front of the computer to write to You once again, but in a pensive mood.
Tell me something, do You get angry? Do You feel like raising Your hands to blow everything apart? You must feel angry sometime, after all I was born out of You, Your blood runs in my veins, so Your emotions should match with mine, somewhat.
I am feeling angry, very angry. So angry that I feel like screaming till my lungs burst out, till my brain start spewing blood all over me. But I can't, cause unlike You I am a simple little man. And I know that if I start screaming, I would stop only with a pair of electrodes clamped around my temples. And I can't afford to do that because I have a lot of people who look upto my face with hope. Hope, the reason why I am writing this to You. Hope, which makes me believe in You and which makes me believe that once again You would read this and once again I would get a reply.
So please Dear God, please reply to this letter. Please answer my prayers, cause I have heard that there are lot of powers in them. Dear God, I want You to show me Your anger, the same anger which cause You to drown the Earth in the flood which made Noah set sail. But please show me Your anger, please be angry Dear God, so angry that You would smite me with Thor's hammer and entomb me within the shroud of death, but please show me Your anger.
If you cannot, then please show me Your Love. The Love which is Your most beautiful gift for Your children. The Love for which I have spend a year bearing every insult and pain, the Love for which I walked for miles to buy a gift for my daughter on her first birthday, the Love for which I learned what forgiveness is and I forgave her even after inflicted upon me the deepest wounds. Please show me Your Love oh Dear God!
Or else show me what You meant by divine justice. Show me how You intend to teach people a lesson when they think that just because they are not answerable to anyone, they can play with anybody's life and emotions, they can make false promises sitting inside Your house just because they don't believe that You can be real.
But please show me something Dear God, please show me the meaning of these words called Love and Marriage and Promises. Please show me the meaning of the word Life, please give a meaning to my life. But please show me that You are there, with me, around me, to protect me, to Love me. Please Love me Dear God bless me a little because after one year, I cannot bear this burden of fake promises, dreams, lies and betrayals. I cannot. Please answer me Dear God that is it my fault that my heart is as ugly as my face is?
I promise, Your answer to my questions would give you an ardent follower for a lifetime. The follower who went to Your abode at Bandel and climbed to its top on his knees, just to show You his gratitude for letting her be in his life. Please answer my questions, please answer my prayers.
Please put an end to my sufferings Dear God. Whichever God You are, whether You are a Someone or whether You are all the Gods that I believe in like Jesus Christ, Sai Baba, Shiva, Allah, Maa Kali et al. If You are One then this letter is for You, and if You are many then this letter if for all of You. But whatever is the case, this letter is intended for You God. Please give me an answer.
P.S. I know I don't sound like I sounded when I wrote to You the last time, but then I used to believe in Love, now I have lost my faith. Now, I am bruised all over. Please heal my bruises, please let me forgive her as You forgave me. Please let me find peace, within Your arms, in Love, with her and my daughter.
Monday, March 14, 2011