Tuesday, February 10, 2009

42 Things Real Men Do!

Gaping Void
Since the last couple of weeks, @gapingvoid started one of the most humorous monologues on Twitter that I have ever heard. He decided to talk about what Real Men do. Here is the complete list for you to enjoy. Do let me know your thoughts about it, what do you think that Real Men do?

1. Real Men don't get defensive when they learn that not everybody shares their enthusiasm for Apple products.

2. Real Men don't confuse phrases like "Real Men don't have to worry about whether they're being.

3. Real Men" with original thought.

4. Real Men don't throw a hissy fit when some A-Lister fails to reply to their unsolicited, 6,000 word email.

5. Real Men don't fantasize about traffic spikes while they're beating off.

6. Real Men have s** more often than they get onto Techmeme.

7. Real Men don't blame their business failures on bloggers with more traffic than them.

8. Real Men don't "Open Source" the lint in their navels.

9. Real Men don't sigh like teenagers while watching other men trying to make an honest living.

10.Real Men don't "follow all the interesting conversations on Friendfeed" when they should be schtuppin' their wives.

11. Real Men don't have to wipe off their keyboard with a Kleenex after every time they read a news story about Apple.

12. Real Men never pretend that their personal blog "belongs to my community".

13. Real Men don't Twitter while their girlfriends are giving them head.

14. Real Men never use use the phrase, "Interesting Conversations" to justify their lame-ass online addiction.

15. Real Men don't blog about blogging.

16. Real Men like BJs and beer more than they like Facebook and Friendfeed.

17. Real Men don't worry about whether Real Men use Twitter or not.

18. Real Men don't give a rat's a** if you prefer Linux over Windows.

19. Real Men actually spend time AWAY from their computers.

20. Real Men don't play "Armchair Quarterback".

21. Real Men don't cry like schoolgirls every time another blogger starts making real money.

22. Real Men don't confuse Cluetrain with Religion.

23. Real Men don't linkbait.

24. Real Men don't confuse "Getting mentioned on @Techcrunch" with "Having a real business model".

25. Real Men don't care if their story fails to make it onto @techmeme.

26. Real Men don't ask for sympathy f**** online.

27. Real Men don't have to ask for clarification on every detail, no matter how trivial.

28. Real Men don't care if it's a Walled Garden.

29. Real Men don't tweet REALLY OBVIOUS jokes that have already been tweeted 6-8 times
before in the last 2 minutes.

30. Real Men never say, "If it doesn't have comments, it isn't a real blog".

31. Real Men don't leave comments.

32. Real Men don't wait overnight in line to get into the Apple Store.

33. Real Men don't even know who Jerry Yang is.

34. Real Men don't make it to the top of Techmeme.

35. Real Men don't use the phrase, "Quality Content".

36. Real Men don't care if you're blog doesn't have as much "quality content" as it used to.

37. Real Men don't have "Personal Brands".

38. Real Men do not confuse "a new paradigm" with "please give me your money".

39. Real Men don't open-source the name of their firstborn.

40. Real Men don't measure their self-worth in terms of whuffie.

41. Real Men don't give a flying f*** what the business model is.

42. Real Men don't spend 8 hours a day on Friendfeed, "because that's where all the interesting conversations are...".

[Update : Hugh MacLeod just updated that #2 and #3 are actually a single thought.]


74 Comment:

Manish Mohan said...

Real men can write sex, fuck and ass and don't mask it as s**, f*** and a** on their blog :-)

Don't worry, I am also not a real man enough to do this on my blog :-)

Best Online casinos said...

Excellent all 42 is real and truth , i'm recommending this blog post

Joey Logano said...

Wow Manish, that was that was real tough of you say that, hehe ;-)

Manish Mohan said...

@Joey -- trying to grow up buddy... :-)

Anonymous said...

u dnt need to be worried at all..there are still 58 things remaining which u can try out always being a nominal man(?)

do i need to disclose my name?
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

V.Subramaniam (Subbu) said...

This is cool stuff. How about a 43rd - "Real Men Do"?

RN4081 said...

Seems like you get a lot of comments even though real men don't. What gives?

Anonymous said...

what a crappy post. clearly not actually thought up and written by a real man.

Lord Krishna said...

@ anonymous :way to expose your manhood by being anon.

Cool post, but some things are controversial :D

Anonymous said...

ummm... that was dumb

Mitchell said...

Real men don't wine in a manipulative blog, taking an obvious stab at people who have pissed them off by doing little things around their blog!

Actually, real men don't blog.

Anonymous said...

seems like it's only men that don't fit these specifications that generate the income from this site...interesting...

a.k.a. hypocrisy

Anonymous said...

actually, real men stopped reading that s*** at number 2.

News Man said...

Love the one about Twittering while getting head. I bet there are poor fuckers that actually do this!

Anonymous said...

Real Men don't get half of these jokes because they don't blog, or blah, or tweet, or face or whatever all this shit is.

Gennice said...

Real men don't read posts like this one! :)

So what that makes all of us here? :D I'm joking! :)

Great post... btw.

Best online casino said...

Real men! Where are you? According to this article, I am sure you will find nobody)) but honestly speaking quite an interesting reading matter thanks to certain humour so characteristic of the author.

Anonymous said...

it was good, they just understand real men apparently

Anonymous said...

I thought this would be a clever and witty post about "Real Men don't stare at other women's asses as they walk by" sort of thing.

But it's instead a very bland version of the aforementioned list and seems to cater more to the teenage audience, seeing as most, if not all the "Real Men dont..."'s seem to deal with some sort of online or tech addiction.

2/10

Anonymous said...

Real men don't call a list "what real men do" then rant on about "what real men don't do"

real men iron their shirts while wearing them etc.....

Anonymous said...

real me dont write blogs

Anonymous said...

How many blahblahblah... blowing in the wind bitch.

Thats B. Dylan's two cents.

Anonymous said...

real men don't put smiley faces or say hehe after what they say. Cause it's gay.

CD Rates said...

LOL, very good list!

Anonymous said...

Well considering I couldn't understand 90% of the blog and website shit, I think that I may be a real man, or it might be compromised by the fact I'm commenting but that is only one of 42

Anonymous said...

grow a pair is all real men say on blogs!

AutoGeeze | Latest Sportscars said...

Real Men don't comment for just the sake of link building. maybe this my contribution!

Anonymous said...

I'm gay :) hehe

Anonymous said...

What? I was looking for something funny. What the hell is this crap?! Seriously? I don't understand any of this! His girlfriend left him for a techie business man or some shit like that. This is retarded.

holdem sites said...

Good luck if you claim to understand girls...

Anonymous said...

I must agree, my husband is a real man and he doesn't do any of this dorky shit.

brustvergr├Â├čerung said...

If that's so I guess there aren't any real men left:)

Anonymous said...

Lol, one of 'em was Real men don't comment. Nice, lol.

Anonymous said...

real men don't know or care about half the shit listed here

Man said...

THIS is a real man:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE

Lex said...

Haha I'd have to agree with one of the comments above, real men don't blog, let alone comment. :)

Anonymous said...

Man, it's a good thing i'm a girl because I read the whole thing, plus the comments. it's a sad, sad day. But to anyone who spends this much time on 42 different things about what "Real Men Do" then more power to him, so all in all, really good job :)

Anonymous said...

as a girl, i'd say this is really stupid. it's not even egotistical. it's just fake. i was kind of expecting the "real men eat raw eggs for breakfast" "real men haul ass"...not "omg we like totally do not like totally blog because like it's so omg not what a real man does"

idk said...

Of course theres gotta be assholes bitching about something they dont like. Jeez. If you dont like it, then dont fucking say anything. Dont bitch and moan and look like a total fag. this is what society is now. a bunch tech geeks and internet fags.

Anonymous said...

You're all idiots! Didn't you read! Real men don't leave COMMENTS! But I'm not leaving a comment I'm leaving a reminder.

Anonymous said...

#43. Real men don't write 42 conditions under which real men must operate.

Anonymous said...

whover said real men don't stare at women's asses as they walk by either doesn't know what a real mean is or only knows men that walk by fugly women or has a lot of gay friends

Anonymous said...

real men dont dont have to stop and look at the girls asses as they walk by. they dont walk b,they stop...only if ur a real man. i didnt comment my chic did.

lanh said...

Real men discuss ideas, average men discuss events, below average men discuss people.

Scooby Doob said...

This was perfect to read. I am a real man, not a dog.

Anonymous said...

Real women think this was really retarded and didn't understand half of what you wrote, much less hate Apple half as much as you obviously do... are you sure this was written by a man? It seems like it was written by a tech geek...

Anonymous said...

This is ridiculous. Whoever write this knows a hell of a lot about stuff that real men don't do...

Anonymous said...

Real men come accross this bog of shit by mistake and realise they are real men because they dont even know what a paradigm is or what the fuck techmeme is sounds like some people need to get out more often get a life and get a real fucking job lossers!!

Anonymous said...

real men do whatever the fuck they want, and don't give a fuck what others think about it...

Anonymous said...

Real men don't have rules

Anonymous said...

Real men dont blog. At all. We fish, get drunk, and bust a nut when we see a bad ass car.

Terry McCallion said...

Real men aren't afraid to post their real name in case someone they know sees it!

Taya said...

Hahaha! I have to admit.. I was quite disappointed with the "42 Things Real Men Do" or "Don't do" rather. Terribly boring.(With the exception of the "Real men don't twitter while getting a BJ" post... That's hilarious!) But incredibly entertained by the comments. LOL! Love the "Real men dont blog. At all. We fish, get drunk, and bust a nut when we see a bad ass car." A real WOMAN does the same. Let's do a one over on MY perspective of a real woman..
- A REAL woman can be stunning, but doesn't have to wear 6 inch stilettos while grocery shopping or wake up the entire neighborhood when she sees a spider.
- A REAL woman fancies a nice cold beer after work, just as much as her man does. Rather than a Pina Colada, or Sherley Temple.
- A REAL woman doesn't look like a completely different person when you wake up next to her the next morning!
- A REAL woman knows the rules about trying to have a "serious discussion" during the game.
- A REAL woman would rather spend $40 on a 24 of beer, rather then use it to get her nails done.
- A REAL woman doesn't have to call Daddy crying when her man "hurt her feelings".
- A REAL woman is independent, and can take care of herself. Therefore doesn't NEED her man, but rather just enjoys his company.
- And lastly, a REAL woman will be drooling over the same gorgeous car her man is!
Now here's the part that you find out if you're a real man or not.. If you read that and are interested in this kind of woman.. you ARE in fact, a real man!!!

Neal said...

For Taya:

Is it ok for a real man to fall in love with a real womans because of her post? The man you are with is a lucky man indeed!

sasha said...

Soo what do you have against apple? Lol

Anonymous said...

Yea that was stupid

Anonymous said...

More like an ugly girl with no class no ass n nothing to offer lol

Anonymous said...

Real men jack off to porn in front of their wives.

Killeen Real Estate said...

I truly like to reading your post. Thank you so much for taking the time to share such a nice information.

Diamond Cuts said...

This provided a moment's entertainment, many thanks for that. Also the comments, haha some good ones. Just one thing, what's a whuffie??

Radiant Barrier said...

Thanks for sharing and helping us all keep what's important top of mind.

Someone like you said...

Real men know that "Anonymous" is actually the writer of this particular article!!

Alexander said...

Real men know what to do and alway think about it. Unreal men do things that they don't know, and because they don't know they just don't need to think about what they do...lol

Shane said...

What's the difference between real men and unreal men? What's the common point between real men and unreal men?

Jared said...

Thanks for sharing, bro. I think a real man is hard to become.

Minh Lee said...

Thanks for your post, guy. This post really interesting. People have their thinking about real men differently. But i think your though must be right.

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Professional Image Masking Service said...

Real man always respect women.
Real men always keep their promises.
Real man always qualified to comment.

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It's like the opposite of everything you might think of men.

Leonard said...

Totally agree with this "Real Men don't Twitter while their girlfriends are giving them head" . Well, clap clap to those real men. They are the kiss and tell type.

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Kevin said...

Funny post. I think a real man is not only that.

Anonymous said...

Hello

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