Saturday, February 21, 2009

15 Reasons Why I Won't Follow You On Twitter

Fail Whale
Many people complain that I don't follow them on Twitter when they start following me. Here's why :

1. You have the photo of a duck on your Twitter profile! How lame is that. What reason you might have not showing your face? You don't look good? I don't really care, I am not here to date you. And you know what, it just makes me feel that you are not too serious about social media. Doing it for fun then, eh? Well, then you gotta be really interesting for me to follow you.

2. You don't have a bio on your profile. Now how am I supposed to know what you do, why you are here and why should I follow you at all? I guess you were either living under the rock and thus had nothing to write, or you do something that's not interesting to you and so you thought that I would not be interested in it either, or maybe you are simply too lazy to write anything at all but want to start building on your leads directly. In any case, thank you but I am not interested.

3. Although this is not mandatory, but don't you think you should spice up your Twitter background a little bit? But then, it's fine with me if you use the default theme in case you are interesting enough and this is not an absolute must.

4. You are following 12,437 people out of which only 403 people are following you. Are you nuts! You must be really desperate to follow those many people without them following you. What reason do you have, huh? Selling something aren't you? Thank you but I am not interested.

5. Your Twitter account is 2 months old and you have only 32 Tweets. You want to make friends and you don't want to say anything! Sorry, but I don't want to play the role of a guru-disciple. I am not here to preach anything. So thank you but I would not follow you. Although a hundred-dollar bill would be a nice way to change my mind.

6. In your bio you say you are a thinker, and all you update about is how are you feeling and how is the weather and what not, except anything to indicate you are a thinker. Chances are that you don't know your role as a thinker, or maybe you are too bored to think anymore. Fine, I am not asking you not to mix you personal life with your professional life here, but all I am asking is give me some value input along with that for Pete's sake!

7. You login to Twitter at 7PM CST everyday and then you start bombarding your followers with information. Sorry buddy, information overload. Give me time to digest, I don't want to follow a bot who is an encyclopedia of the information superhighway who keeps on vomiting bouts of information like undigested food for 2 hours daily. If I really feel that the information you give me are indeed useful, at the most I would subscribe to your Twitter feed using a FeedReader, but I still won't follow you.

8. You are too infrequent on Twitter. Thank you but I am not interested. Even @abevigoda does not forget to Tweet everyday pronouncing that he is alive.

9. You don't join in any conversation. If you are a Twitteratti I can understand. But if you are not, chances are that I would not follow you. Please understand that you are not here to give a sales pitch. Even sales is not selling anymore, remember!

10. I start to follow you, and you send me an @reply pointing me towards your website or your product. I already know what you do from your bio, that's the first thing I would do before following you, remember? I feel bugged when the first @reply coming from you sounds again like a sales pitch.

11. You spam me with DM. Stop it, do you think I would fall for that? That's harassment. I would either block you, or if you are a team then probably I would report it to Twitter to get all your accounts banned.

12. Be knowledgeable, you should know what you are talking about. I am not asking you to be the next Einstein, but if you claim to be a social media expert and then tell me that "Chris Brogan is a very good actor and son of Hollywood actor James Brolin" and Tribes is uninteresting because you don't like "Indian folklore as it is too boring to me as I am too busy raising up Social Media experts", then I would not only unfollow you but also block you.

13. You are a fake account. If it's for fun, I would be too happy to follow you. I follow lot's of fake accounts like @abevigoda, @BadPeggyOlson, @God, even @darthvader. But if you are impersonating someone to sell your product then chances are I would not only unfollow you, but I would also give your id to that poor soul you are impersonating so that he/she blocks you. To sell your product you don't need to impersonate anyone, first learn how to sell yourself, the rest would fall into line all by themselves.

14. Your Tweets are plain and simply boring. Try to be interesting, please. There are thousand others in your profession who would provide me with the same information that you give me everyday, and be interesting at the same time. So why should I follow you?

15. And while I am writing this, I got an email that someone had started to follow me on Twitter. In the someone's bio it's written that he loves jQuery. You love jQuery! And you wrote that in your Twitter bio? I mean you are so much in love with jQuery that your whole life revolves around it? I mean fine, earlier I had put ahead #6, but I guess you have taken it too seriously and have thus become far too descriptive.

Bottomline, try to be innovative or I won't follow you. Okay, a hundred-dollar bill would do fine, but not for too long, and surely not for everyone. If you like this post then you can follow me on Twitter @rajtilak.

4 Comment:

Julia Scissor said...

Oh! That explains it. I get notifications about complete strangers following me on Twitter. But whenever I log in, I find the follower count the same as earlier. Since I tweet only occasionally, I used to wonder what was going on.

Rajtilak Bhattacharjee said...

@Julia Scissor : That was one of the main reasons I never followed you on Twitter myself, LOL!

AV Flox said...

Whoa, deja vu. I could swear I read this list on Mashable at some point...

Rajtilak Bhattacharjee said...

@AV Flox : I am sure you must have. And not only Mashable, even people like Dan Zarella, Chris Brogan, Jeniffer Leggio have written about this too. All of us have different perspectives you see.

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